I Forgive You- I Think...

A quote appeared on Facebook today (S/O to Michael Deter! ) and really hit home…

Forgiveness is not meant to be easy, if it were it would not mean anything. Forgiveness is a precious gift that a person is given even though he does not deserve it.

Forgiveness- It’s what we all know we are supposed to do when someone does something that affects us negatively.  A lot of times it can be associated with the “That’s okay… forget about” as someone walks away.  Although it IS supposed to happen- I think that the word “forgiveness” has been cheapened immensely. 

When someone forgives me- I don’t necessarily take a minute to think about how gracious that was of them- I more than likely am quickly to the point of thinking “Whew… I’m glad that is over- now we can move one” instead of thinking about it as an undeserved gift.  It’s also so easy for me to take the track of thinking- “Well, they are supposed to forgive me, so if they don’t that’s between them and God- not my problem.”  Entitlement to the max in my own life. It disgusts me.

I also looked at the flip side of this today- something that made this quote catch my eye.  Forgiving others- it’s hard. Incredibly hard in some cases.  It’s easy for me to say “I forgive you” or “It’s okay,” but there are some things that I really really struggle to forgive and move on.  I let bitterness creep in- it hurts less if I can turn back to the situation and think “I deserve to be mad/dislike them” instead of seeing them through eyes of grace. 

That being said- I know there is a balance.  I shouldn't strive to necessarily forget- using insight into situations from previous experiences can be very important- but that is how I have to learn to view them…as past experiences.  They are no longer an outlet for me to feel justification in my bitterness.  If they are, I haven’t forgiven.  If I can reach the point of no bitterness- then that forgiveness does have a ton a value and makes me appreciate the forgiveness of others so much more.

So here’s to trying to learn true forgiveness- and to truly value it. It seems unobtainable on certain days- but hey… I guess that’s when I need to turn to the Ultimate Forgiver.

Much Love,

Katie

"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."

Hebrews 8:12 (NIV) 

My "Duh" Moment- Joy, Peace, and Satisfaction

Ever have one of those “duh” moments?  Ones where the obvious smacks you straight in the face? This afternoon, I had a major one.

                Intentionally, for the past year, I’ve been trying to focus hard on finding joy, satisfaction, and peace in the Father- not needing any of that from other sources- just from Him.  Like many of my life goals, I always seem to manage to fall away, come back, and fall away again. Today, I had someone dear to me say “Katie, how can I pray for you this week?”  My response was to pray that I would find my joy, satisfaction, and peace in the Father- and then I got slightly frustrated at the thought.

 I've prayed this prayer before. Why hasn’t it happened on a consistent basis? Why do I revisit this challenge, feeling like I’ve failed so many times? And then it nailed me…. right in the face. I wanted to find these things IN the Father.  Therefore, I need to be seeking HIM out as the source of these very things.

I want to find joy in a situation- He wants me to find joy in HIM. 

I want to be satisfied in an area- He wants me to be satisfied in HIM. 

I want to find peace in areas of my life- He wants to give me peace in HIM.

 If I seek after His face, if I seek Him and Him alone, He will give me these things because I am truly IN Him. 

Here’s to a week of being intentional in seeking HIM out, instead.  You know the feeling of contentment that you get when you are in a good place- whether that be with the right person, the right career, or just a good place in life? I've found the One who IS that good place- no matter what is going on in areas of my life, I can always have peace, joy, and contentment, because I will be IN Him.

Have a great week!

Much Love,

Katie

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

-John 16:33

I'm Done...

I'm Done...

Before reading this, please know that there are a TON of things that I LOVED about 2012- I spent time with some of the greatest friends and family a girl could ask for, had many crazy adventures, GRADUATED and got an amazing job, and learned SOOO much.  The following is the stern talking-to that I needed to have with myself J  

I’m done. 

Done with what?

Done with just breathing, taking up space, and living selfishly.

While a ton of great things happened in 2012 and I learned a lot, I have allowed way too much “living” to happen and not nearly enough intentionality to enter into that living.  I used to automatically see the depth of simple situations all the time.  I would see the beauty instantly in the most simple situations.

The loss of this perspective has left me at this place of blah. That is the only way I can adequately describe it.  I’ve lost a lot of my passion and zest for truly living. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong- why was everything lining up perfectly and yet I still felt so incomplete, so exactly blah?

And that is why I’m done. 

I’m done doing the day to day just to do the day to day. There will be intentionality behind what I do. I will serve others to be Jesus’ hands and feet. I will go the extra mile instead of contemplating and assessing what it will cost me in the long run.  I will stop trying to “become” someone I’m not when God has already equipped ME exactly for the position He has me in. It is time for LIFE to be my ministry again. I’ve missed it- and I’m excited to have it back :)

Here is to 2013- a year full of life, love, and actually living it!

God bless you all!

Much love,

Katie

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

John 10:10b

P.S. Feel free to challenge me on this through out the year- we are meant to live in community, and I'm a firm believer that accountability is a big part of that. :)

"I Would Rather See a Sermon Than Hear One Any Day"

In church this morning, I was zoning in and out. I struggle with focus big time- work in progress… I’ll get there one day! Anyways, as I was sitting there, the pastor made a statement.  It snapped me back and really got my attention. He said “I would rather see a sermon than hear one any day.”  The statement intrigued me and I HAD to look it up once I got back to the apartment (more to come about that new part of my life and God’s crazy awesomeness to come in the near future!).  The more I process that sentence, the more I think I like it…and the more I think it challenges me.

Here is the complete work by Edgar Guest.

Sermons We See

Edgar Guest

I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day;

I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.

The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear,

Fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear;

And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds,

For to see good put in action is what everybody needs.

I soon can learn to do it if you'll let me see it done;

I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run.

And the lecture you deliver may be very wise and true,

But I'd rather get my lessons by observing what you do;

For I might misunderstand you and the high advise you give,

But there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.

When I see a deed of kindness, I am eager to be kind.

When a weaker brother stumbles and a strong man stays behind

Just to see if he can help him, then the wish grows strong in me

To become as big and thoughtful as I know that friend to be.

And all travelers can witness that the best of guides today

Is not the one who tells them, but the one who shows the way.

One good man teaches many, men believe what they behold;

One deed of kindness noticed is worth forty that are told.

Who stands with men of honor learns to hold his honor dear,

For right living speaks a language which to every one is clear.

Though an able speaker charms me with his eloquence, I say,

I'd rather see a sermon than to hear one, any day.

            I want my life to be a sermon worthy to be heard.  I want it to be a true representation of Christ - a sermon that He would find joy in being preached. Actions really do speak louder than words. How cool is it that living life can be a big part of our actual ministry? For a person who gets a bit freaked out when it comes to delivering important information to people in large group settings, I am encouraged by the fact that my actions can be a part of my sermon as well- that my sermon is not determined on if I can piece words together correctly without stuttering and going off on tangents. My sermon is my life - words AND actions.  It doesn’t get much cooler than that.

            Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see what part 2,356 of my sermon should look like.. :)

The Absence of.....Part 2

Hey Friends!

It has been forever since I have last blogged and DO plan to update you on my life someday soon, but for tonight, a short post.
First of all, confession:  I have NOT been nearly as faithful with my Bible reading and prayer life as I should be.  My mind has gone into complete ADD mode and I have failed miserably in the past year to control this, especially when it comes to my relationship with God.  God and I talk. God has done AMAZING things this year, and I have learned a lot, but it is because of His grace and His amazing patience.  Who wants to have a relationship that consists of 10 second conversations randomly throughout the day?  Sure, we talk, but it has been a fail on my part to have good sit-downs with Him regularly.  There has been an absence in my life.

Now for the weird part: Since I've been in this mode (and yes, even though I haven't been officially diagnosed, and I've been fortunate enough to be able to control it most of the time, I do seem to have at least a slight case of ADD), I have had this wall built up.  Whenever I sit down to have God time, my brain seems to tell me that there are tooooo many things that I need to get back on track before I can just sit down and talk with God and have a meaningful time.  I've gotten to a point again (one kind of familiar for me) in which I feel that I have made too many mistakes that I need to fix before I can be in community with Him again.  This To-do List is extremely overwhelming and kicks my distracted head on to the next subject because I do not have the concentration to fix the mountain of "stuff!" 


But God did not ask me to fix everything before I come to Him. He has continuously given me amazing times in the word, even for those 15 second durations.  Picture this:  Imagine your best "earthly" friend. When you have messed up, when you are going through a rough time, does this friend say
  "Hey Katie, listen, I know you have a lot going on, that you haven't really had time to hang out for extended periods of time, and you haven't been calling me every night.  Here's the deal: once you get your life all back into place, your schedule figured out so that we can hang out for at least an hour minimum, and you will be focused only on me, then I'll be ready to maybe hear your apology and we can talk."
Goodness, no!  Sure, putting effort into friendships is crucial, sure spending time with them is as well, but they are EXCITED when you change your schedule and sneak in 15 minutes to hang out.  They are excited when you decide to change what you have been doing and are there to walk with you as you strive to make changes for the better.  They are a helper to you.  I believe Jesus works right along these lines.

This summer, starting now, it is my goal to take the baby steps, to try to break past this wall, to accept my Creator's offer of a relationship again and walk side by side instead of at this crazy distance.  He has been SO good to me this past year that I can't even fathom what it will be like to have Him even closer.
 No more absence.

Life is good, and it only is getting better!

Love and more prayers starting now <3
Katie

Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,    slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

The Absence of...

Have you ever stepped back to look at what  your major “filler” is in life?  What are those one or two things that you do that consistently cause you to multi-task? What would a few hours look like without these things and how would you function?
I used to think of this almost solely within the frame of solitude. When I am by myself, maybe doing a devo, just getting some God time in, what are my “multi-taskers?” -yes… I may have just made up a word, but go with me on this.
Over the last day or so, I got a glimpse of this in a different light.  When we are in community with people, when we are fellowshipping, what are our “multi-taskers?” While spending time this weekend with a group of people who I really care about, I found a few of the norms, at least for me.  When being in a group of people, just hanging out, we actually do a lot more than just hang out and catch up on life.  Hanging out usually involves food of some sort.  It also involves technology, whether that be video cameras to catch our random antics or  phones to update Facebook about the crazy inside jokes and even to hold conversations at the same time with people hours away.  Sometimes, technology provides us with entertainment as well such as a movie, or even good ol’ YouTube.
What happens when we remove all of this?  What happens when we get together and remove all of the above?  What if we truly took that time and just were in fellowship with each other?
     It is a strange feeling, but a good one.  The intentionality of discussions is upped.  The attention given to conversations, or even just a game of pool is at a much higher level.  It gives meaning to the time spent that isn’t present a lot of the time.  It says “I am spending time with YOU, and the conversation we are having is the one thing that I am focused on right now.  You  are important to me.”
Now, I’m not knocking technology and food and crazy videos that get uploaded to Facebook.  Those are all great things and I think they have value as well.  I was just reminded this weekend how easy it is for me to forget to value the immediate here and now that we get to spend with people.  Sometimes it’s good to set down our phones.  Sometimes is good to pass on the movie and just talk or play a game.  Sometimes it’s good to just BE with one another.

Take an hour, a conversation, even a walk to class and nix the distractions. See what happens.
-Katie




“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,  not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
- Hebrews 10:24-25

Don’t Waste It

     Over Christmas break, I have finally begun reading Don‘t Waste Your Life by John Piper (by begun, I mean that I have made it through the forward and into the first chapter before I had to stop to write). I’ve been thinking a lot about life lately- where I should be, where I should direct my future career, etc. Hello being a senior. Something that has been a recurring theme in my thought process is not being tied down. By not being tied down, I don’t mean I want to travel with the circus, or live out of an RV 24/7, although to be honest, I wouldn’t dismiss either of these options. Weirder things have happened.
      What I mean by this is, I want to be able to move to wherever God has me headed towards. I don’t want to get stuck in the rut that life can become if, when I join the workforce, I let myself fall into a consumerist mentality. This doesn’t mean that I don’t ever want to “settle down.” In a sense, it just means that I do not see my future looking like one may typically picture the future of an education graduate. I don’t want to settle for the “norm” just because it’s the norm. If that is what God has for me, then that will be fine. For some reason though, it seems to me like that’s not where He has me headed, at least not for now.
      In Piper’s book, he talks of a couple who retire and spend their retirement in the “perfect” setting- cruising on a yacht, collecting shells, etc. He then flips the story to a futuristic perspective- when they get to the gates of Heaven and meet Jesus on Judgment day. We all have to give an account, and I don’t want to be standing there talking about how I showed Jesus’ love occasionally, when I got around to it amongst everything else. I want sharing the Jesus in my life to be my FIRST job, my FIRST priority.
     I don’t know where life is headed. To be honest, I don’t even know what will go down next week. But I do know that the days I’m given hold so much potential, potential that I do not want to see go to waste. I’ll find out the “where” part of the equation in time, but as to the life part of it, I already know what I am charged to do: Don’t waste it

Matthew 29:15 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’”